Tonight, as I was driving home after seeing the boyfriend, I stumbled upon a surprising realization: I haven’t truly been single since I was 15. I mean, yes, I have been single, but there has always been some kind of intimate male presence in my life.
This sudden awareness of my past led me on an interesting path through the last six years. It is amazing how painful an event can be while you are in the midst of it, and yet, years later, looking back upon those days, you can be grateful that whatever transpired did happen.
For the past year and a half, I have been furious at my ex. I was betrayed, abused, and he left me broken hearted and confused. Tonight, as I drove home, I forgave him. I realized that as painful as all that was, I wouldn’t be with my current boyfriend, and finally happy, if he hadn’t pushed me to the breaking point.
Looking back, I realized that if I hadn’t been with any of them, I never would have met the next one. As much as I despise many of them, I’ve decided to get over it. If it weren’t for my mistakes, I wouldn’t be my amazing self now.
To all the jackasses that I’ve had in my past: thank you for being undeserving butt heads, because I’ve finally realized how truly amazing I am, and how much I deserve from whoever I choose to be with.
Thank you.
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