The Babies are Almost JIs!!!

Two semesters in a row, I have had the honor of getting a little sis. I absolutely adore both of them, and I am honored that they chose me to be their big.

I love that my house is different from the others. We have three “pals” throughout the semester. They are secret pin pals for the new members, they last a week, and they are an opportunity for the new members to get to know initiates better. It is also an excuse for the new members to come over to the house and hang out with initiates; it is an icebreaker of sorts.

Another differentiation is that we do everything much later in the semester. We wait until after Halloween to pair our new members with a big sis, and we have our initiation in the last few weeks of school. I think this is a huge benefit of our house. This extra time allows the new members to get to know the girls before they pick their big and it allows them to feel as though they are truly members of our house before they are initiated.

Despite the benefits that these little differences make for our new members I must say that it creates many problems for the initiates. I absolutely adore both of my littles, but it is extremely burdensome that I must take time away from studying for midterms and writing papers, in order to make each of them their own scrap book as well as bulletin boards, clip boards and even more gifts to shower them with.

I think it is extremely important to give our babies – yes, that is what I call them – the time they need to become comfortable in our house and with our initiates, I also feel that it is detrimental to our initiates and their academic performance.

I adore both of my littles, but the time that I have been spending on their scrapbooks would have been much better spent on my paper due next Monday. I guess my new little is just going to have to settle for a half finished scrapbook, just like her twin did.

Oh well. I love you little!

Not so complicated

Really boys, women aren’t as confusing as you think we are. Most women would argue that your sex is much more confusing than ours is.

Women are easy to figure out. We want you to respect us, desire us and care about us. We will never understand how it is that we can take care of you, and adore you, and you fail to return the same affection.

Lately, I’ve heard a few of my male friends complaining about the girls that they were interested in. Apparently, girls can be cruel towards men as well. Is it bad that I find it reassuring to know that men are hurt by us as well?

Every time I hear one of these stories, all I can do is try to imagine what a man did to her to make her that way.

Untitled

Currently, my house is going through our slate process. I have been slated for three executive board positions. The following is my essay that was due when I had my interview.



Recently, I had an eye opening experience. I had a glimpse into the life of one of my sisters, who I see to be the epitome of sisterhood and who I hold in the highest of regards. This semester has been quite hard for Delta Zeta; we have gone through a lot in a very short amount of time, we have experienced the failure to communicate as well as the pain that is caused by gossip. What I experienced has given me a different perception of our house and the women who make it.

Every initiated member of Delta Zeta was in some way responsible for the mess we created this semester. We, myself included, have been guilty of gossiping, creating dissent, and in general adding fuel to the fire of unrest, dissatisfaction, and cliquishness that had arisen within our house. We all played a role in this and a great majority of the distrust and gossip grew from the fear of, and failure to, confront and connect with sisters.

My recent experience made me realize how close and, at the same time, how distant we really are. I believe the general tension that our house experienced this semester was normal, and in some ways healthy. Personally, I only express my frustration when I am comfortable and when I know that I am in a safe environment. This does not justify any wrong actions I may have made; it is a fault in my character, which I am working to resolve. However, it did show me how safe I truly feel here and with my sisters.

Women within our house have acted catty and cruel towards one another this semester. This behavior has created division between the different groups in our house. Since sisterhood retreat, I do believe that the overall feeling of the house has lightened a bit. I still feel that there is a lot of work to be done before our house is healed and we are all able to forgive each other for our malicious, shallow and selfish behavior. I believe that this change has to start with our executive board. This semester it has felt as though the executive board is separated from the rest of the house. I know that some feel as though they are one of the many cliques, separated by power and socioeconomic status as well as their relationship with certain alumni.

The incoming executive board needs to be able to stay connected with the members of the house. I am not saying that this separation solely rests on the shoulders of our current executive board. This is just one way that our entire house has failed to act like sisters. It is just as much of my responsibility to connect with my executive board, as it is theirs to connect with me.

This sense of separation does not end with our executive board. Our entire house has become divided into cliques. We have separated ourselves into the small groups we connect with best. In general, that is not a terrible thing; it is important to have a close relationship with a select few and it is a given that with 50 plus sisters we will only have an intimate relationship with a few over the course of our time in Delta Zeta. However, it is extremely important that we are able to form relationships with everyone in Delta Zeta; that we may truly be members of a sisterhood.

I believe the problem we find ourselves facing is that no one wants to make the first move. We all seem to believe that we have been wronged or hurt by another and it is therefore someone else’s responsibility to act first. This, I believe, is the underlying issue our house is facing. If we could all stop acting so hurt, then we could move forward and start healing our house.

There is one particular sister who I have always believed hated me, or even worse, was completely indifferent to my existence. It has been my personal goal to connect with her this semester. By no means, have we become close and I doubt she has noticed any difference in my behavior, yet I do feel that in the pursuit of my goal, we have become more connected and I finally feel as though if I needed her she would be someone I could turn to.

If I could implement any program into Delta Zeta next semester, it would be creating goals such as mine for every sister. We all have women we are distant with, the purpose of this would not be to make a new best friend, but would be to break down the barriers which keep us from experiencing sisterhood. If we could each pick one sister we are angry with, were hurt by, or just do not know, and make the effort to reach out to her over the semester, I believe it would change the dynamics of our house.

This process should begin during recruitment school and I would recommend that this be added to the duties of our executive board. If it were plausible, I would have members of the executive board meet with individual women and come up with personal goals for the semester. The executive board would then become a support system and provide our house with a safe avenue to create these new relationships. It would definitely be a process of trial and error to get this program to work; however, in the end I think it would drastically affect the overall moral of our house.

People project their fears and insecurities onto others and assume that those feelings belong to them. Our house is full of this behavior. The only way to stop it is to make an effort to connect with one another.

Last night, I had a glimpse into another sister’s life and I realized how wrong about her I had been. I still hold her up as the example by which all sorority women should live by and the embodiment of why I wanted to join a sorority, but I also realized that she is human, fragile, strong, and beautiful in ways I had never imagined before. She let me see into the most painful area of her life. At that moment, I realized that every woman in this house has experienced things that no one else could ever understand, but I also realized that we fail to make the effort to get to know each other on that intimate of a level. Even though we may not see it, these same powerful and amazing qualities are present within each woman in our house. Our house will only survive if every member makes a concerted effort to find these qualities within themselves and each other. This doesn’t require that we all know each other’s life stories, but that we find the humanity within one another.

DeeZee Land, the Happiest Place on Earth

Friday, a large portion of our house, 43 girls, drove down to Anaheim to visit the wonderful world of Disney. Easily, it was one of the best weekends I have had in a long time.

We stayed at a little roach motel that was, simply stated, disgusting. It was all right though, because now it is a great memory. The “continental breakfast” consisted of old burnt coffee, cheep orange juice and pastries still in the plastic. It was set up on two folding tables in a dingy little room, which used to be the front office.

The motel was just a few blocks from Downtown Disney, where my car mates and I spent our first evening. We hungrily made our way through Downtown Disney and decided to rest our weary bones at the House of Blues. What a mess that place was! The hosts were mean and didn’t know the first thing about customer service, the creepy bartender had a haircut that looked like it cost more than my entire wardrobe and our server left much to be desired and finally, the food was horrific. Our server knew we were Delta Zetas, he said that girls had been coming in all evening.

Usually, there are bands playing at the HOB, but not tonight. Instead, my sisters and I got lucky – we had the best DJ ever. There was a song list and request form sitting on the table when we sat down which was the prelude to an amazing first evening.

We requested more music than any other group in the restaurant. We started the party. My little and another girl rocked the dance floor. If it had not been for them, no one would have gotten out of their chairs to dance.

We made it back to the hotel around 1 am and I was up by 6 the next morning. I don't know how I was able to make it through the day, but I did and, wow, what a day it was!

We were in line and ready to go at 8 am. Our day was full of adventures! We chased Captain Jack Sparrow around the park, got yelled at by some old guy in line for Pirates of the Caribbean, we were harassed by a 9 year old girl while we were in line for Big Thunder Railroad and I ran over some girl while running to Toon Town. We saw Josh Groban singing in front of the castle and discovered that the majority of the people who visit Disneyland are not the happiest people on earth - despite being in the happiest place on earth.

Despite the set backs we experienced with grumpy and unhappy people, we had an amazing day. Hands down, our group had more fun than any one else in the park. I do not care if we were obnoxious and drove some people crazy - we were able to let loose and enjoy the last sane weekend of this semester. After riding Indiana Jones, another man who had been on the ride with us told my group that we had "made the ride", what a complement.

what's your secret?

I want to send Frank Warren a postcard.

For all of you who don't know, Frank Warren is a genius.

People send Frank Warren hand made post cards with their deepest and darkest secrets written on them. He organizes them and publishes them. He has three books out containing just a fraction of these secrets.

Some people don’t send their secrets to him but place them inside copies of the books in bookstores. There are stories of people who go to purchase the book and when they open it, postcards come falling out.

I’ve become addicted to it.

He has a blog and every Sunday he posts new and unseen secrets. Some of them are funny, some are shocking and others make my heart stop.

There is something liberating about reading other people's secrets. My favorite secrets are the ones that go something like: “Frank, if you are reading this it means I’ve decided to …” they almost always end in something positive.

I want to send Frank Warren a post card.

It sounds liberating; writing your secret down and sending it out into the world anonymously. I think I would drive really far away, maybe to Tahoe or LA, and send it from there. That road trip would be agony - arguing with myself over whether or not I really want people to read it. Then again, no one would know where the secret originated from; who knows, maybe someone, somewhere would read it and know exactly what I was expressing.

Is it sad that as much as I feel that I want to write him telling him everything, I feel I have nothing to say?

photo credits: http://postsecret.blogspot.com/ November 6, 2007